HOLY SHIT

A PROPERLY TOASTED BAGEL

I can't even eat I'm so upset. This is terrible. After saturdays solid bagel, I really thought we had turned a corner. Thought things were looking up. I remember how evenly toasted that bagel was, how plump and properly chewy it was. How well seasoned it was, the plethora of toppings left to swipe up with my cream cheese as I ate, covered with everything the way an everything bagel should be.

But not today. I should have known something was amiss when the Trunchbullian Cook emerged from her lair, delivered my bag of bagels AND spoke to me.

"Thank you!" I say
"Noooooo thank you!" Says the TBC
"Hah" I mumble, weirded out by this interaction
"Thank you for your business everrrryyyy day" she beams
And I walk away confused, worried.

Those worries were warranted. TBC knows what's up. She's perpetuating this game of sorrows. I wonder how she'd feel if she had to eat these bagels she dares to offer us. I bet she keeps all the good bagels for herself. I bet every morning she arrives early to greet the bagel truck and goes through each one, finding the best for herself then properly tuning the toaster and watching as it becomes evenly golden, as the bits of onion perfectly brown, as it becomes a Bagel. Greedy woman!!!!!

Todays bagel get a D. It was hard, too chewy, poorly topped, pathetically toasted.

<p>Disappointment strikes in a myriad of ways. Some mornings, I approach my bagel and still wrapped in its deli sheet it looks so promising - plump, toasty, well coated. This was one of those mornings. Once opened I was presently surprised, while not properly toasted there was a relatively even light toast cover and it was quite plump in size. Things were feeling good, looking up, until I took a look at my toppings. As I do every morning, I asked for hummos and chive cream cheese. As you can see from the picture, my requests fell on deaf and ever foolish ears. Yes, I received hummos, but only a measly half container, and neither I nor any of my chive loving colleagues received our tasty cheesy treat, all being given PLAIN FUCKING CREAM CHEESE. I bet this happened with no discussion either, just a silent pathetic hand off. They think we don't notice these things, think we don't mind when our boss's hard earned money gets us nothing we ever ask for.

Also, skinny opened his bagel with dismay to opine, "I wanted my breakfast brunette, not blonde!" Well said, sad young man.

It's been a while, but were back. This mornings bagel is a toughy. While in no way properly toasted (save for one eighth of its silly edging) it is more properly 'everything' seasoned than usual, and the dough is actually quite bagely. And yet, where's the hole on my 'bagel'? And why oh why can't the toast cover be even?

I give this morning's bagel a solid C.

Edit: Most days I have my bagel with hummos and chive cream cheese. I usually dip my first half in the hummos, and then the second half in the c.c. Well, after finishing my hummos and moving onto the cheez, I was dismayed to find that yet again my cream cheese was sour. Again! This isn't the first time! I turned to Ricky Dicky and told him, and he commiserated, saying his was sour too. So bagel, you can forget that C. I know its no your 'fault', but you're part of a package, and that package gets a proper C- today.

July 1, 2011

This morning the Z man underlined the TOASTED request on our breakfast order, in hopes of gently encouraging some color. Upon return to the shop, however, we found nothing but disappointment and disarray. My bagel, while showing some color on the edges, is utterly a shame, and let's not even mention their giving me the wrong sort of cream cheese. And for the second time this week, as if someone feels bad for our misfortune (as they should) but can't rectify the situation, we received an extra, free, unordered iced T. Hm. Id much rather a properly toasted bagel than some dumb bev but because of that superfluous bev the bagel today gets a C-.