I can't even eat I'm so upset. This is terrible. After saturdays solid bagel, I really thought we had turned a corner. Thought things were looking up. I remember how evenly toasted that bagel was, how plump and properly chewy it was. How well seasoned it was, the plethora of toppings left to swipe up with my cream cheese as I ate, covered with everything the way an everything bagel should be.

But not today. I should have known something was amiss when the Trunchbullian Cook emerged from her lair, delivered my bag of bagels AND spoke to me.

"Thank you!" I say
"Noooooo thank you!" Says the TBC
"Hah" I mumble, weirded out by this interaction
"Thank you for your business everrrryyyy day" she beams
And I walk away confused, worried.

Those worries were warranted. TBC knows what's up. She's perpetuating this game of sorrows. I wonder how she'd feel if she had to eat these bagels she dares to offer us. I bet she keeps all the good bagels for herself. I bet every morning she arrives early to greet the bagel truck and goes through each one, finding the best for herself then properly tuning the toaster and watching as it becomes evenly golden, as the bits of onion perfectly brown, as it becomes a Bagel. Greedy woman!!!!!

Todays bagel get a D. It was hard, too chewy, poorly topped, pathetically toasted.