Every morning my coworkers and I pick up breakfast from the coffee shop around the corner. Some of us get yogurt and granola, some get Glorious Morning scones, some get muffin tops, and some of us - the winners - get bagels. I love bagels. I love them so much I could eat them every day. In fact, I do. Well, almost every day. Anyways, for a long time us bagel eaters had it glorious; our bagels were fresh(ish), toasty, golden, warm, as good as it gets from the coffee shop around the Downtown Boston corner. Until one day when our bagels returned smelling like McDonald's french fries - at 9 am. They were hard, sharp, smooshed, squished, squashed, grill marked, buttery - disgusting. Upon questioning, our fears were confirmed - the toaster had zonked and they were using the panini press instead. Sadly, some bagel eaters were happy, enjoying the horrendous new method. The rest of us - the sane ones - suffered in no silence. We poorly tolerated panini pressed bagels for months. We moaned, we cried, we tried other breakfast options, we suffered some more. Until one morning when we unwrapped our bagels and found them lightly colored and stucco - lightly toasted, fluffy(ish), generally intact. Bagely. Good. We let the lack of golden toastiness go, simply glad to have our bagels back. But days turned to weeks, and weeks saw nothing but poorly toasted bagels. We began to whine; we made requests for proper toasting; we tried new breakfast options only to suffer even more. First world weeks have become first world months and still the first world tragedy continues. Welcome to the Poorly Toasted Bagel.